"I’ll tell you what I do want. I want someone who will be monogamous, and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals but knows to just shut his mouth when I’m watching Lost. And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking forks out as needed, like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms like a damn Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me, even when I’m old. And that’s what I want."
- straight couple: *make out in public at random intervals in weird places*
- straight couple: *grabs each other's asses in public*
- straight couple: *are not in any way inconspicuous about the fact that they are feeling each other up in public*
- gay couple: *holds hands in public*
- straight people: that is VILE and it is CORRUPTING my entire FAMILY. my grandmother is crying. my children have all shit their pants at the same time. WHO WILL THINK OF THE CHILDREN